I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
