Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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