and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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