mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
