I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize