I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
