I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
