you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
