At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Randomize
