I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
