alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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