How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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