You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
