We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
