Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I deserve this hangover.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
