the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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