That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
