My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
