U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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