Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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