Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im holly from the hills drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
