3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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