I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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