Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
