awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
