If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
