I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
