I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
