I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
