I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
