i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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