Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm jealous of your bromance
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
