90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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