So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
