I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
