lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
