I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
