Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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