There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
