maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
