my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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