Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
