If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
