We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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