I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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