dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
