he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
