There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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