your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
