Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
