Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
