shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
