it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
