Just fell off a train. Bad.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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