help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
