The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nobody cheats on THIS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
