Having a random hookup so left but love u
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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