he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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