New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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