Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i think my cat just said my name.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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