I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
