Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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