so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
being pregnant is like rehab
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
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