I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
