the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
