So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
