i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
