This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
