Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
