woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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