i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
