I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
