i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sobbing to NWA
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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