He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
